By Nanice Ellis
Contributing Writer for Wake Up World
It is fairly easy to see that society defines us by our relationship status, with those being in committed relationships having more status than those who are single. Friends, family, culture, society, TV, and, even Facebook posts, all tell us that we should be part of a couple.
If I’m honest, I have to admit that I bought into this hook, line and sinker; from the age of fourteen on, there was always a guy in my life. Like most people, having a relationship was of utmost importance, and, as a result, I often compromised other areas of my life. If I wasn’t in some sort of relationship, I felt empty inside, which only reinforced the hunt for Mr. Right.
I was on a perpetual roller coaster ride of seeking, finding, questioning and ultimately, letting go. There was a great deal of heartache and pain on the downside of this endless relationship ride, resulting in two failed marriages, and I don’t know how many “dead-end” relationships.
Biologically, we need partnership in order to procreate and keep the species going, but with 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t believe this is still the motivation for “needing to be” in a relationship. If we are truthful, our drive to be in relationships is more about personal habit, societal pressure and, yes, the dreaded fear of being alone topping this list.
Many of us even stay in relationships, well past their expiration date, because we think that we won’t find someone “better” and because we are growing older, we are even more afraid to risk being alone.
About ten years ago, I did something I thought I would never do. After a tumultuous break-up, I made a conscious choice to be single. At first, it was quite difficult being single; my relationship-addicted mind still searched for potential partners, but the greater part of me said, “No, not now.” It took me about a year to make peace with being single but even longer to discover the treasures of what I have come to call “Sacred Singlehood.”
Now, this isn’t an advertisement to choose singlehood over couple-hood. I certainly don’t know what is best for anyone, other than myself, but, this is an invitation to give yourself permission to consider who you might be (or become) all by yourself – without a partner.
What if it was okay to be alone, and, at least, for a little while, you gave up the search?
Whether you are experiencing a break-up, thinking about ending a relationship, or searching for that new one, consider that the relationship that you most desire, and the one that can bring you the most joy and fulfillment is with yourself.
Maybe you want a good reason for being single; well, how about two?
Being Single: Reason #1
Become Empowered, Explore Opportunities and Create an Amazing Life!
If you go from being in a relationship to mourning the end of a relationship to looking for a new relationship, where is the time and space for self-exploration?
Having the courage to be single allows you to create sacred space where you get to know yourself and you become your own best friend; from this space of growing confidence and security, you can go past your comfort zone, explore new ideas, travel to interesting places, create masterpieces, develop spiritual connection, take care of your body and mind, and maybe, even heal or strengthen relationships with your children, siblings, parents or friends.
Imagine giving yourself the time and space for emotional, mental, physical and spiritual healing or alignment. This might mean healing beliefs that don’t support you, claiming your unconditional worth and stepping into your intrinsic power. How wise and powerful might you become on a solo journey?
I can’t tell you what would have unfolded in these past ten years, if I had been in a relationship, but, I can tell you that during these sacred years, I experienced tremendous personal growth, spiritual awakening and creative inspiration that resulted in the publishing of several books. As I uncovered who I really am, and I discovered my self-made place in the world, I fell in love with me. Equally as important, my relationship with each of children drastically improved; because there was no longer someone else in the mix trying to influence my radical parenting style, I was free to parent in my own unique way. For this reason alone, my choice to be single was phenomenal.
When you give yourself the gift of being single, it can be the most sacred experience of your life.
Being Single: Reason #2
Meet Your Soul Mate by becoming the perfect partner for your perfect partner.
What if you took the time to really get to know yourself in order to become the person who can attract your ideal mate? Consider that any partner that you attract before you grow into your best self is very different than the partner you will attract from your highest and best self. Mr. Right can’t show up, if you are not yet Ms. Right and vice versa.
Law of Attraction
Maybe we keep meeting the “wrong person” because we don’t measure up to our wants and desires in a partner. In other words, if you desire a partner who is open, honest and communicative, you must be open, honest and communicative. If you desire a partner who is in great shape, spontaneous and adventurous, you must be in great shape, spontaneous and adventurous.
In the quest for your perfect partner, you must be his/her perfect partner. This means that in order to attract your ideal mate, you must really know yourself and be true to your dreams and desires.
It is helpful to make a list of the qualities and attributes that you desire in a partner and rate yourself accordingly. If you don’t score high in each of those same qualities/attributes, according to the law of attraction, you are not yet a perfect match.
In order for the law of attraction to work in relationships, you must become that which you desire in another. Instead of jumping into a new relationship, imagine taking the time to develop these desired qualities and attributes, so that you can become the perfect partner for your perfect partner.
Heal Emotional Wounds
If you keep ending up in relationships where you feel abandoned, misunderstood or unappreciated, chances are, there are some emotional wounds that require healing. If you want to be in an emotionally healthy relationship, you must be emotionally healthy. Being single offers you the time and energy required to heal past wounds, allowing you to align with an emotionally healthy partner.
Afraid of Being Alone
I am going to guess that your perfect partner isn’t afraid of being alone, so, if you want to meet him/her, it is probably necessary to heal any fears of being alone – because, no doubt, you will attract potential partners who align with your fears. This means that if you are afraid of being alone, you will attract someone who is also afraid of being alone, or you will attract someone who will trigger your fear of being alone. If you do not want to attract a relationship based on this fear, it is essential that you fearlessly embrace singlehood.
Filling that Empty Space
Many of us desire a partner to fill the empty space, but it never works because the only one who can ever fill your empty space is you. Being single allows you the opportunity to find yourself and experience fulfillment. Once you fill that space with yourself, you will be a perfect match for a man/woman who is whole, conscious and empowered.
The Desire for Love
Okay, it’s normal to desire a relationship so that we feel loved, but, oftentimes, our relationships leave us feeling unloved. If you want to experience love in a relationship, it is important to take time alone in order to learn to love yourself unconditionally. Your unconditional self-love has the power to attract a partner who also loves him/herself unconditionally and together you can experience unconditional love for each other. This is the foundation for the loving relationship you seek.
Whether you are looking to find yourself or you are seeking a soul mate, being single may hold the answers.
The Point of Sacred Singlehood
The point of Sacred Singlehood is not to be single forever, unless that is what you choose, but, rather to become the highest version of you, who is emotionally secure, confident and free to express uninhibited authenticity, and, then, if you choose to share your life with another, you can attract your ideal partner, who is also consciously authentic, and together you can experience an enlightened paradigm of partnership that is truly amazing.
There is something so beautiful and transformative about being single, and, if I had missed it, I might have missed myself entirely. I am so grateful to my past self for making the courageous decision, and sticking to it.
Whatever your reasons to explore being single, Sacred Singlehood offers a Golden Opportunity where you can become the Real You and create the life you most desire.
In Love, Grace and Gratitude,